Would run the heat all weekend when it's almost July.....
I'm in hell.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Father's Day, Yoga, and all that jazz
So. I had every intention of posting a letter to my father yesterday, but I just couldn't do it. Even after all this time, the pain is too raw, too sensitive that I really can't come up with a coherent thought. Just that I miss you all the time, Dad. Anytime Lori says something clever, I think of you. Especially when she is sarcastic and cutting, at those times I know the legacy lives on.
Father's Day since his death is difficult because his birthday was at the same time, it's just too many anniversaries and reminders. Add to that the fact that Mom died at this time, it's just too much.
While the SgtMaj went fishing I had a Phoenix Rising Yoga treatment. Very interesting and cathartic. After, I went to The Ruby Room and had a crystal treatment for my head (way cool) and then a facial. While that may seem overly indulgent for a holiday honoring fathers, I needed it. And as the old saying goes: "If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy"
I've decided to give Yoga another try as well. I have tried it many times in the past with no success. I have trouble hearing the instructor and then feel selfconscious, and then feel fat, clumsy, uncoordinated, etc etc. You get the picture. I really liked the girl that performed the treatment and plan to take some private instruction for a while before trying the class. We'll see how that goes.
I just know I have to do something for my general malaise. Of the spirit and the body.
We had a lovely dinner at Wildfire Restaurant on Saturday for Father's Day. Just the three of us, our little family without the distractions of the extended family. It was enjoyable seeing the SgtMaj and the daughter conversing as adults. Not just as father/daughter, but as people. There might be hope yet for the old boy.
So a Happy Belated Father's Day to all of the Dads out there, both male and female.
It takes a special person to be a real Dad. I miss you.
Father's Day since his death is difficult because his birthday was at the same time, it's just too many anniversaries and reminders. Add to that the fact that Mom died at this time, it's just too much.
While the SgtMaj went fishing I had a Phoenix Rising Yoga treatment. Very interesting and cathartic. After, I went to The Ruby Room and had a crystal treatment for my head (way cool) and then a facial. While that may seem overly indulgent for a holiday honoring fathers, I needed it. And as the old saying goes: "If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy"
I've decided to give Yoga another try as well. I have tried it many times in the past with no success. I have trouble hearing the instructor and then feel selfconscious, and then feel fat, clumsy, uncoordinated, etc etc. You get the picture. I really liked the girl that performed the treatment and plan to take some private instruction for a while before trying the class. We'll see how that goes.
I just know I have to do something for my general malaise. Of the spirit and the body.
We had a lovely dinner at Wildfire Restaurant on Saturday for Father's Day. Just the three of us, our little family without the distractions of the extended family. It was enjoyable seeing the SgtMaj and the daughter conversing as adults. Not just as father/daughter, but as people. There might be hope yet for the old boy.
So a Happy Belated Father's Day to all of the Dads out there, both male and female.
It takes a special person to be a real Dad. I miss you.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
A Year Ago Today
A Year Ago Today I presented your Living Will to the Social Worker at the hospital and signed the papers to remove you from Life Support.
A Year Ago Today I had to explain over and over again to the nursing staff at the hospital that it really was your wishes to have a Living Will.
That you had signed that Living Will almost 25 years ago following the premature death of your husband. That you were passionate about it.
And that I, (who worked hospice and geriatrics for years) would ensure that your wishes were followed to the letter.
No respirator. No surgery that would further incapacitate you.
Rather, a gentle easing into the night with the help of Morphine.
A Year Ago Today your family gathered at your bedside for their last goodbyes.
I explained again to your children, your grandchildren exactly what that entailed. Exactly what you wanted.
A Year Ago Today would have been Dad's 70th Birthday. If he had lived to raise the children he adored.
Instead we said goodbye to another parent and vowed that we would do everything in our power so that our children would not have to say goodbye to us so young.
Rest in Peace Mom
A Year Ago Today I had to explain over and over again to the nursing staff at the hospital that it really was your wishes to have a Living Will.
That you had signed that Living Will almost 25 years ago following the premature death of your husband. That you were passionate about it.
And that I, (who worked hospice and geriatrics for years) would ensure that your wishes were followed to the letter.
No respirator. No surgery that would further incapacitate you.
Rather, a gentle easing into the night with the help of Morphine.
A Year Ago Today your family gathered at your bedside for their last goodbyes.
I explained again to your children, your grandchildren exactly what that entailed. Exactly what you wanted.
A Year Ago Today would have been Dad's 70th Birthday. If he had lived to raise the children he adored.
Instead we said goodbye to another parent and vowed that we would do everything in our power so that our children would not have to say goodbye to us so young.
Rest in Peace Mom
Friday, June 18, 2010
Be Careful What You Wish For
Been a while, eh? Crazy days here at the Snarky Table, let me tell you.
I switched departments at work and am now the proud owner of my own cubicle. WOOHOO! I can't tell you how cool it is to have my very own space now. My photos, orchid, air freshener reeds etc. I can keep my gym shoes (does anyone even call them that any more?) under my desk alongside my fashionable flats from Nordstrum Rack. I love you Nordstrom Rack for the designer shoes I can actually afford.
The downside to this is I do miss my girls from my old section. There's not a whole lot of interaction here, everyone is chained to their own little corner of the universe. I'm not complaining, mind you, it's a lot less stressful here than in the assylum....but it does get a bit lonely.
The interesting thing is as much as I craved a less stressful environment, a chance to catch my breath and just be able to think, I find myself wondering what everyone is up to. What's going on in their lives. What's up with the patients.
Be careful what you wish for.
For another story under that title, my daughter started her job with a well known laser center. She was the first from her class to be placed and was really excited about working on the medical side of beauty.
While she is doing better now a few weeks later, it has not been an easy transition. She has found just doing laser treatments to be monotonous and tiring. I guess the whole "high tech" beauty treatments aren't quite what she had expected either.
Again, be careful what you wish for.
We've talked about and she feels better now, but there were a few tense calls and e-mails there. I've reassured her that it's not forever, that once she gets enough experience she can explore more wholistic options at that time.
So as it finally looks like summer has arrived in Chicago. Right now the sky is blue and the temps in the high '80's. Oh and it's humid as hell with thunderstorms on the horizon. Yep, summer in Chi-town.
I switched departments at work and am now the proud owner of my own cubicle. WOOHOO! I can't tell you how cool it is to have my very own space now. My photos, orchid, air freshener reeds etc. I can keep my gym shoes (does anyone even call them that any more?) under my desk alongside my fashionable flats from Nordstrum Rack. I love you Nordstrom Rack for the designer shoes I can actually afford.
The downside to this is I do miss my girls from my old section. There's not a whole lot of interaction here, everyone is chained to their own little corner of the universe. I'm not complaining, mind you, it's a lot less stressful here than in the assylum....but it does get a bit lonely.
The interesting thing is as much as I craved a less stressful environment, a chance to catch my breath and just be able to think, I find myself wondering what everyone is up to. What's going on in their lives. What's up with the patients.
Be careful what you wish for.
For another story under that title, my daughter started her job with a well known laser center. She was the first from her class to be placed and was really excited about working on the medical side of beauty.
While she is doing better now a few weeks later, it has not been an easy transition. She has found just doing laser treatments to be monotonous and tiring. I guess the whole "high tech" beauty treatments aren't quite what she had expected either.
Again, be careful what you wish for.
We've talked about and she feels better now, but there were a few tense calls and e-mails there. I've reassured her that it's not forever, that once she gets enough experience she can explore more wholistic options at that time.
So as it finally looks like summer has arrived in Chicago. Right now the sky is blue and the temps in the high '80's. Oh and it's humid as hell with thunderstorms on the horizon. Yep, summer in Chi-town.
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